8 Things You Need To Know Before Dating A Cuban Papi and Ruining Your Life

Alright, so you went to Cuba and fell in love. It’s OK. After dating a few Latinos in my life, I am dead serious when I say THERE AIN’T NOTHING COMPARED TO THE SUAVAMENTE OF A CUBAN PAPI. So if you fell for it, you were only doing what was natural and right in the world. Yea, yea, your friends are asking you how that works, exactly? You know with the Trump thing and the embargo thing and the no-internet thing and the only speak Spanish thing. But really, you don’t even know how it’s going to work and wish they would stop asking that question.Dating a Cuban-2.jpg

This blog post is for all y’all who got lost in the Cuban sauce and the things I’ve learned that has made my life easier having a long-distance relationship in one of the most difficult countries in the world.

For the purposes of simplifying this blog post, the author will refer to the Cuban significant other as “he” but recognizes that this is applicable to females as well as non-binary genders. In addition, the author understands this blog post is general as fuck. Every individual is different. These are just common questions and situations that have been submitted to the blog and are being addressed all at one time.

1.If He Hasn’t Proposed To You, He Doesn’t Love You.

 Y’all met yesterday and today you’re meeting his family and tomorrow he’s introducing you as the mother of his future children. Intense, right? You’re like uhmmmm should I be freaked out? Or scared? Or happy? I mean, it’s so soon to be talking about marriage.

Well, getting a marriage proposal is completely normal in Cuba. In fact, if he hasn’t proposed to you, HE’S NOT THAT INTO YOU. But you don’t need to actually marry him. Cubans are just dramatic and that’s just his way of expressing himself.

But from now on, you’ll never date anyone who doesn’t propose to you within the first couple of days. No proposal means he’s just not willing to be extra about you. And we love being extra, right?

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2. Sex In Casa Particulares Is Touchy.

I’m just gonna skip over how sex actually works in Cuba, because I’m sure you’ve gotten plenty of practice. But regardless, staying in the house of a Cuban without paying is ILLEGAL. In addition, the owners of casa particulares probably won’t appreciate you bringing over a Cuban man or woman unannounced. (I mean, WOULD YOU want a potential prostitute in your house?)

Make sure you let your casa owner AHEAD of time, who and how many people will be accompanying you. Your bf will need to show their identification card at check-in. Please respect this. If not, don’t be mad when they cancel your reservation. If it’s just a night of passion, your man will know all the outdoor spots. You think you’re his first tourist? You’re not, no matter how many times he tries to convince you otherwise.

Condoms are practically free, by the way. If you’re really worried about STDs, antibiotics are also free (I know not all STDs are cured by antibiotics). People with HIV were actually quarantined in Cuba so their AIDS transmission rate is the lowest in the world.

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3. Cubans Are Horny Cheaters.

Is a common stereotype you’ll hear often about Cubans. I won’t say it’s wrong. But those Tinder dates are the same exact thing, without the suavamente. I’ve been cheated on by men who live in the same dorm, so I’m not sure distance has anything to do with the ability to be faithful.

I’m going to say this once: the only thing that will keep a man faithful is himself. Life is too short to worry about some shit you’re never gonna know about anyway. But just to save yourself the disappointment, you should expect for him/her to have other physical relationships while you’re away. You’ll honestly never know, so just enjoy this experience. And if you do find out, you should act accordingly to how you would treat cheating in your home country.

With the absence of a strong presence of Catholicism, Cubans are, for the most part, sexually free and not conservative about sex at all. If you’re worried about infidelity, I suggest you not get into a relationship with one. If you’re OK with rolling with the punches and seeing how it goes, and he/she makes significant effort to maintain contact with you while abroad, you should just go with your gut and do what feels good.

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4. Communicating In Cuba Is Complicated, Expensive, And Requires Multiple Apps.

Communicating in Cuba is the most difficult thing. My Cuban papi has to buy an internet card every couple of days (at times spending his entire month’s paycheck just to buy internet to talk to me three times a day), ride his bike to the center of town, connect to internet in the blazing hot sun (IF it’s working), and then try to video chat with me. Most of the time the video chat is frozen and I see his face in this ugly (cute) frozen motion and have to hang up and call again. But you know, considering I’m in air-conditioning, and didn’t have to do all that, it’s all good.

We use the app IMO for video calls, Whatsapp for texting, and Cubacel for email. Email is a special thing in Cuba because they don’t need to connect to internet to send an email. It is part of their phone plan and 100 times easier for them to use, especially if they don’t live near an wifi park. They can only see the last 10 emails sent before it automatically deletes, so don’t be blowing up his email.

Also, you’ll find yourself dropping everything to talk to him once he is connected to internet, because you never know when he’s going to be able to connect again. Let me tell you, that shit gets irritating. I got so tired of carrying around my phone and being available, especially when you’re traveling or at work trying to live your life. It’s best to either have a set time planned to connect and give him your undivided attention. OR email him the time of day you’re able to talk, and then he can meet you online at that time.

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5. If He Hasn’t Talked To You, It’s Because He Ran Out Of Money.

The thing about Cuban papis is that, if they don’t talk to you, it’s never because they forgot about you. It’s because the internet was out in the wifi park or because he ran out of money and can’t buy another internet card. If this happens, you can always top up his cell phone.

In order to “top up” a Cuban cellphone, use the website www.ding.com. Click CUBA, type in his/her number, click the CUBACEL option, and check the amount of money you want to send.

I only top up when there is an “oferta” or sale where you can send $25 and he will receive $50. Sometimes they have specials for international calling. Just sign up for the email.

It took me 8 months of dating before I topped him up for the first time. I needed him to hustle for these phone calls until I felt secure enough to send money. Then when I get to Cuba, he pays me back. But not everyone is paranoid as me, so if you can’t wait to talk to him, go ahead and do so! No judgement.

After this experience, though, let a man not text me back. He will be dead to me. IF HE DIDN’T HAVE TO RIDE HIS BIKE, SPEND HIS ENTIRE PAYCHECK, AND SIT IN THE HOT SUN TO TALK TO ME THEN I DON’T WANT IT.

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6. You Can Take Your Cuban Papi Out Of Cuba.

I haven’t done that, but it is possible. You have to send him an invitation. Many young men have a visa to travel and it is not as difficult as it seems. Just a very long process.

First he needs to get a passport, which takes about a month. He’ll need to take a photo and provide some documents. The cost is 100CUC. Second he needs a visa, which is 140CUC (a little extra to speed up the process if you pay off the guy) and can get denied at anytime without a refund. It’s better if he/she has a car or house that they can put a lean on to ensure he returns. This process takes 2 to 3 months (probably lookin’ more like 3) and the visa is valid for 5 years. I have no idea what documentation you need to provide, but you can check it on the US Cuban Embassy website. Third, he’ll need to buy a ticket.

Unless he is a private business owner or a taxi driver, you will probably have to fund this entire process, which brings me to my next point.

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7. Cubans Don’t Pay For Shit.

This has been, admittedly, the hardest thing for me to overcome. Before dating my Cuban papi, I dated men who would send me money just because, and would definitely pay for my plane ticket, let alone dinner. With the average Cuban salary being $25/month, that ain’t happening. However, it’s actually something I’ve come to embrace because not being defined by money has allowed the Cuban papi to be defined by other things and contribute in other ways. For example, my Cuban papi will cook me dinner, wash my clothes by hand, grocery shop, pack my lunch, lay out my clothes for the day, and overly care about my mind, body, and soul. For me, it’s actually taught me to value different characteristics and realize all of the things money can’t buy.

With that said, I definitely use all of his money before using mine. And he’s honestly so happy to do so. Generations of Cubans usually all live together in the same house, so they’re used to treating money as communal. So he will save up all of his money for three months and give it all to me, and I happily use them all. But I ain’t shit, so don’t be me.

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8. Cubans Are Macho About Other Men And Jealousy Is An Issue.

For some reason, Cuban women don’t have male friends. That concept just doesn’t exist. So our largest fights have been about me hanging out with guy friends, or even being alone with another man in a room. So I’ve just avoided answering a video call when in the room with another dude.

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9. You Date A Cuban, You Date His Entire Family.

Because Cubans are so community oriented, you’ll surely meet his mom, his dad, his brothers, his sisters, his grandparents, his aunt, his uncle, his children, his ex-wife, his cousins, etc. etc. They will probably be equally as nice. But you will find yourself having to bring back vitamins and coffee makers and perfume for the entire pueblo on every trip back.

Don’t feel obligated, but also don’t be an asshole. More importantly, you are not responsible for supporting anyone. Do what you can, but ultimately, keep your needs a priority because they may not understand how hard you had to work to be able to bring those things. They may think money grows on trees in whatever country you’re from.

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In Conclusion

You should treat dating in Cuba like dating in your home country. There is always the possibility of someone being a shitty person. But for me, Cuba is unique in that they haven’t been tainted by the world of social media and Cuba always has a way of making you appreciate all of the things you have.

My Cuban papi is a constant reminder of what is truly important in life. The enormous effort he puts in to make this relationship work is inspiring and unlike what any other man has ever done or has had to do for me. Also, his naivete, though frustrating at times, is for the most part adorable. He has yet to be exposed to how shitty the world is and is so aware about taking care of the people around him and his community, something I feel is seriously lacking in the Western world. I also love that I get to watch him experience many “firsts” in life.

However, this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. So before going all in, weigh your financial situation, your insecurities, and your willingness to go with the flow and be with someone who won’t be able to conceptualize concepts that don’t exist in Cuba. It may not be worth it for you. Everyone is different and there are a million other options in the world to settle on something that doesn’t work for your personality.

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If you have any suggestions for additional apps or services that you can use to communicate with your Cuban amor or have a Cuban amor love story, leave them in the comments below!

 

260 thoughts on “8 Things You Need To Know Before Dating A Cuban Papi and Ruining Your Life

  1. BTW, one night we wanted to spend together after dancing and I though we could just crash in his house when he told me “I am so sorry but I cannot take you home” and I was like Why Not??? So he told me would be illegal for a foreign to stay in a cubans house without some sort of permission.
    Ladies, please tell me, is this correct? Because the first thought came to my mind was “ok, he’s got a girlfriend/wife back at home” but now I see people talking about this permission and being registered and I wonder if he was saying the true…

    In the end he came to the private house I was staying and we managed to stay together for like +-2 hours and he had to leave.

    I am planing to come back, if this topic is all true then I should probably get this permission to be able to stay with him, do you know how that works?

    1. Yes, u will need an A2 Visa to stay at his home. He will need to take a copy of the title with him when applying. If the house is not his, he’ll need to take the owner and the title.
      If staying in a rental casa, he does not need to leave.

      1. Thank you! Well he left because other reasons. But in the end I had an early flight to catch as well….

    2. Dani it is easier to obtain if you are married or have proof of relationship…. Keep in mind and I only say this from experience … SOMETIMES one will say this if they have a girlfriend they are living with, a person will know once they introduce you to the family as that happens pretty quick 🙂 If y
      ou rent a casa he can stay with you all he has to do is give his identification 🙂

      1. Thank you Kim! In the end I figured out he had a girlfriend, however he broke up with her. And it is true they broke up and actually it wasn’t that serious of a relationship, but the worse part was that he omitted to me the fact he had sex with my boss! So, there you go. DONE!

      2. I’ve been in a relationship with a Cuban man for over 1 year now and I just rented a airbnb for my trip next month in another city from where he lives. If I understand right, he can stay with me for the 10 days as long as he gives his identification to the owners of the house?

    3. Yes this is true but I’m with you and I e been to Cuba and I see how the Cuban men with wife’s play the woman let’s the man do what ever to get money for her and try to get him out of there then he will send for her later . I’m married to a Cuban that is legal In USA . We go and he registered us were we are staying that is true. Your man should tell you the address and you can register we’re you are staying . I hope this helps and I hope you have. A good one by the way we’re are you in the USA . We may be close by

      1. Thank you! I don’t live in USA. But I am happy to know you are married to a Cuba and everything is well. My “relationship” ended, no way that it could work…

      2. I’ve stayed in an Airbnb with my then fiancé, (now husband) for two weeks at a time.

        PS: if anyone would like to be part of an amazing and supportive facebook group for people in a relationship with a Cuban please join the following group : Cuba Ever After ❤️

  2. I heard it is in fact illegal and the Concequences are worse for them than us…apparently you can apply for a special visa to stay w a local but I heard it’s time consuming and pointless… So he was correct about that. But my bf seems to think all I need to do is write down the address of his cada partícular neighbour at the airport and I’ll be fine but that seems wrong. Surely I also need to register there too right??

    1. I’ve stayed at like 6 different airbnb’s With my boyfriend and I don’t think it’s illegal he’s your BF. I’ve stayed at family’s house plenty of times. Just book an Airbnb and out his name on the reservation to be sure.

      Anyone who may be interested in connecting with other people who are in relationships with a Cubano/a please find out group “Cuba ever after” on facebook 🙂

      1. Yesica, this is true for AirBnB’s who are registered homes. It is illegal to stay in their home if they are not a registered casa.

  3. You come across as just awful, and completely vulgar. You usage of language is disgusting, and you sound like an entitled, spoiled little narcissist. I take offense to your referencing of women as “bitches.” The only bitch is clearly you!

    1. Ugh just ignore this I’m assuming it’s a Russian troll or someone who will appear in next week’s episode of catfish …

  4. Hi, if you love yourself and plan normal, and comfortable life, do yourself a favor and do not connect to Cuban, otherwise you will end up broke and disappointed, Although the Latin charm is tempting, it is much better to save your time, energy, on a rich cultural, educated person, than on a Latin, cat from the street, who will use you, your money, your family, in consideration of a show of passionate love, every woman deserve much more than an ignorant, macho, guy, who came from the poor and will stay poor and ignorant

    1. This is like saying all Americans are stupid and eat burgers. Or that all Asians are tech genius.
      I guess people gotta have a FILTER for good and bad intentions. Do you think a 10-20 years younger than you Cuban/Latin hot macho is going to fall in love with you in a week/month?
      I mean, it’s not Disney, enjoy your young Cuban papi, but be aware of what it is.
      I’ve seen and I know many happy couples Cuban/foreigner. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. The same way I’ve seen disastrous endings, but same thing I’ve told before, 40something woman with 20something man, do they really think is for real?
      Same thing for guys, do they really believe that a 20something hot mulata is in love with them 20-30 years older? Nooooooo be real.

      I do encourage everyone to know a Cuban person that REALLY loves them. You’ll be happily ever after 🙂

  5. Hey Everyone,

    Anyone know how to get cell phone service when in Cuba….I have a cell phone company that will not work there…..I have contacted, no way to do it. Is there a smart way to do this…..it is a long trip (time wise for me) and I have some crucial business items I will need to take care of.

  6. I am a relationship with a Cuban man that lives here in USA we did live together for a little while, but it was making it hard on our relationship. We broke up and then got back together. I am starting to get use to the fact he drinks a lot but he works just as hard, and so I choose to over look it now. Is mother is in Cuba she knows about me but because of my limit in Spanish we have not spoken. She does how ever love me for her son because I have been there even when he had no money. We laugh, we cook, we sign, we dance, and he is very generous with his money but he will let me pay for things but not normally. He does not believe in cheating, and he does get jealous if his friends become friendly with me. He is not controlling in anyway.

  7. Cuban men are very flirtatious with ALL women it’s their culture, it’s harmless. Cubans have a totally different perspective on marriage and sexual relationships. They can get a divorce for approximately $5. Keep in mind that not all Cubans are poor and cannot travel. However, if you happen to fall for some basic Cuban Papi then you will have to pay to play. Personally I don’t attract basic, but I see plenty of Canadian and European women and men flocking to find their “Cuban Papi” for that Cuban Experience and trust me the Cubans sniff out these desperate souls as soon as they hit the Cuban soil. Personally, I think these Papi and Mami chasers get what they deserve. Take a good look at the Cuban people they are gorgeous and well-grounded people, why on earth would they want some fat pasty foreigner $$$

  8. I have been to cuba 4x so it is bullshit cuban man wont spend cent for you. that means he will does not love you. I met a guy who kept offering and bought me drinks in cuba whereass i met guys who asked me to buy them drinks. I have many cuban friends and my friend said if you have to pay anything for cuban guy he is using you unless its like plane ticket. He was with his gf from germany 3 years he told me he pays for her. but she paid his ticket toccome to her because they are planning marriage. he would not even except my tips. He said he even buys his gf things. Then i ve met men who pretend to care ans ask for wifi money etc. But the one who bought me free drinks. has just wanted me to spend time with him and ti really get to know me and he isx few years older.
    It really depends on the guy. most likely if your ugly and the guys hot he is using you. if you both loook good on eachother he wont. I mean if you marry someone not your type why stay with them? Observe their type of girl and if yoy notice theyre going for very vulnerable girls that wil do anything for them usually they are using many girls at once. I loved man there who loved many girls and gor girl to pay him week resort overnight she was rich and even really young compared to him.if they do not care if you are student and cannot pay them that is good man. but if all he does is ask. he does not want you he needd support cuba is very poor and because of that people will do anything. I even have single friend who rents casas in cuba his friend wants us to date but because ive met someone i declined. he offered me to stay free at casas just so i can see him everyday..so you really got know what your doing. I am solo traveller but the girls going in groups i notice get played all the time because theyre mad drunk. im 23 take it from me.

  9. This was a great read ! I’ve been with my Cuban guy for a while now and this whole blog post hit so many points on the head ! FYI for anyone interested. I’m in a group on Facebook called : Cuban Love & Relationships and it has been extremely helpful connecting with people also in relationships with Cubans.

  10. I love this blog post. Really spot on with my experiences with my cuban guy. We have been together for a while now and i think everything mentioned is super relatable. FYI for anyone interested, i am in a facebook for people that are involved with cubans. it is great to bounce ideas and share experiences . the name of the group is Cuban love & relationships

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