8 Things You Need To Know Before Dating A Cuban Papi and Ruining Your Life

Alright, so you went to Cuba and fell in love. It’s OK. After dating a few Latinos in my life, I am dead serious when I say THERE AIN’T NOTHING COMPARED TO THE SUAVAMENTE OF A CUBAN PAPI. So if you fell for it, you were only doing what was natural and right in the world. Yea, yea, your friends are asking you how that works, exactly? You know with the Trump thing and the embargo thing and the no-internet thing and the only speak Spanish thing. But really, you don’t even know how it’s going to work and wish they would stop asking that question.Dating a Cuban-2.jpg

This blog post is for all y’all who got lost in the Cuban sauce and the things I’ve learned that has made my life easier having a long-distance relationship in one of the most difficult countries in the world.

For the purposes of simplifying this blog post, the author will refer to the Cuban significant other as “he” but recognizes that this is applicable to females as well as non-binary genders. In addition, the author understands this blog post is general as fuck. Every individual is different. These are just common questions and situations that have been submitted to the blog and are being addressed all at one time.

1.If He Hasn’t Proposed To You, He Doesn’t Love You.

 Y’all met yesterday and today you’re meeting his family and tomorrow he’s introducing you as the mother of his future children. Intense, right? You’re like uhmmmm should I be freaked out? Or scared? Or happy? I mean, it’s so soon to be talking about marriage.

Well, getting a marriage proposal is completely normal in Cuba. In fact, if he hasn’t proposed to you, HE’S NOT THAT INTO YOU. But you don’t need to actually marry him. Cubans are just dramatic and that’s just his way of expressing himself.

But from now on, you’ll never date anyone who doesn’t propose to you within the first couple of days. No proposal means he’s just not willing to be extra about you. And we love being extra, right?

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2. Sex In Casa Particulares Is Touchy.

I’m just gonna skip over how sex actually works in Cuba, because I’m sure you’ve gotten plenty of practice. But regardless, staying in the house of a Cuban without paying is ILLEGAL. In addition, the owners of casa particulares probably won’t appreciate you bringing over a Cuban man or woman unannounced. (I mean, WOULD YOU want a potential prostitute in your house?)

Make sure you let your casa owner AHEAD of time, who and how many people will be accompanying you. Your bf will need to show their identification card at check-in. Please respect this. If not, don’t be mad when they cancel your reservation. If it’s just a night of passion, your man will know all the outdoor spots. You think you’re his first tourist? You’re not, no matter how many times he tries to convince you otherwise.

Condoms are practically free, by the way. If you’re really worried about STDs, antibiotics are also free (I know not all STDs are cured by antibiotics). People with HIV were actually quarantined in Cuba so their AIDS transmission rate is the lowest in the world.

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3. Cubans Are Horny Cheaters.

Is a common stereotype you’ll hear often about Cubans. I won’t say it’s wrong. But those Tinder dates are the same exact thing, without the suavamente. I’ve been cheated on by men who live in the same dorm, so I’m not sure distance has anything to do with the ability to be faithful.

I’m going to say this once: the only thing that will keep a man faithful is himself. Life is too short to worry about some shit you’re never gonna know about anyway. But just to save yourself the disappointment, you should expect for him/her to have other physical relationships while you’re away. You’ll honestly never know, so just enjoy this experience. And if you do find out, you should act accordingly to how you would treat cheating in your home country.

With the absence of a strong presence of Catholicism, Cubans are, for the most part, sexually free and not conservative about sex at all. If you’re worried about infidelity, I suggest you not get into a relationship with one. If you’re OK with rolling with the punches and seeing how it goes, and he/she makes significant effort to maintain contact with you while abroad, you should just go with your gut and do what feels good.

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4. Communicating In Cuba Is Complicated, Expensive, And Requires Multiple Apps.

Communicating in Cuba is the most difficult thing. My Cuban papi has to buy an internet card every couple of days (at times spending his entire month’s paycheck just to buy internet to talk to me three times a day), ride his bike to the center of town, connect to internet in the blazing hot sun (IF it’s working), and then try to video chat with me. Most of the time the video chat is frozen and I see his face in this ugly (cute) frozen motion and have to hang up and call again. But you know, considering I’m in air-conditioning, and didn’t have to do all that, it’s all good.

We use the app IMO for video calls, Whatsapp for texting, and Cubacel for email. Email is a special thing in Cuba because they don’t need to connect to internet to send an email. It is part of their phone plan and 100 times easier for them to use, especially if they don’t live near an wifi park. They can only see the last 10 emails sent before it automatically deletes, so don’t be blowing up his email.

Also, you’ll find yourself dropping everything to talk to him once he is connected to internet, because you never know when he’s going to be able to connect again. Let me tell you, that shit gets irritating. I got so tired of carrying around my phone and being available, especially when you’re traveling or at work trying to live your life. It’s best to either have a set time planned to connect and give him your undivided attention. OR email him the time of day you’re able to talk, and then he can meet you online at that time.

Dating a Cuban-7

5. If He Hasn’t Talked To You, It’s Because He Ran Out Of Money.

The thing about Cuban papis is that, if they don’t talk to you, it’s never because they forgot about you. It’s because the internet was out in the wifi park or because he ran out of money and can’t buy another internet card. If this happens, you can always top up his cell phone.

In order to “top up” a Cuban cellphone, use the website www.ding.com. Click CUBA, type in his/her number, click the CUBACEL option, and check the amount of money you want to send.

I only top up when there is an “oferta” or sale where you can send $25 and he will receive $50. Sometimes they have specials for international calling. Just sign up for the email.

It took me 8 months of dating before I topped him up for the first time. I needed him to hustle for these phone calls until I felt secure enough to send money. Then when I get to Cuba, he pays me back. But not everyone is paranoid as me, so if you can’t wait to talk to him, go ahead and do so! No judgement.

After this experience, though, let a man not text me back. He will be dead to me. IF HE DIDN’T HAVE TO RIDE HIS BIKE, SPEND HIS ENTIRE PAYCHECK, AND SIT IN THE HOT SUN TO TALK TO ME THEN I DON’T WANT IT.

Dating a Cuban-5

6. You Can Take Your Cuban Papi Out Of Cuba.

I haven’t done that, but it is possible. You have to send him an invitation. Many young men have a visa to travel and it is not as difficult as it seems. Just a very long process.

First he needs to get a passport, which takes about a month. He’ll need to take a photo and provide some documents. The cost is 100CUC. Second he needs a visa, which is 140CUC (a little extra to speed up the process if you pay off the guy) and can get denied at anytime without a refund. It’s better if he/she has a car or house that they can put a lean on to ensure he returns. This process takes 2 to 3 months (probably lookin’ more like 3) and the visa is valid for 5 years. I have no idea what documentation you need to provide, but you can check it on the US Cuban Embassy website. Third, he’ll need to buy a ticket.

Unless he is a private business owner or a taxi driver, you will probably have to fund this entire process, which brings me to my next point.

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7. Cubans Don’t Pay For Shit.

This has been, admittedly, the hardest thing for me to overcome. Before dating my Cuban papi, I dated men who would send me money just because, and would definitely pay for my plane ticket, let alone dinner. With the average Cuban salary being $25/month, that ain’t happening. However, it’s actually something I’ve come to embrace because not being defined by money has allowed the Cuban papi to be defined by other things and contribute in other ways. For example, my Cuban papi will cook me dinner, wash my clothes by hand, grocery shop, pack my lunch, lay out my clothes for the day, and overly care about my mind, body, and soul. For me, it’s actually taught me to value different characteristics and realize all of the things money can’t buy.

With that said, I definitely use all of his money before using mine. And he’s honestly so happy to do so. Generations of Cubans usually all live together in the same house, so they’re used to treating money as communal. So he will save up all of his money for three months and give it all to me, and I happily use them all. But I ain’t shit, so don’t be me.

Dating a Cuba-Visa

8. Cubans Are Macho About Other Men And Jealousy Is An Issue.

For some reason, Cuban women don’t have male friends. That concept just doesn’t exist. So our largest fights have been about me hanging out with guy friends, or even being alone with another man in a room. So I’ve just avoided answering a video call when in the room with another dude.

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9. You Date A Cuban, You Date His Entire Family.

Because Cubans are so community oriented, you’ll surely meet his mom, his dad, his brothers, his sisters, his grandparents, his aunt, his uncle, his children, his ex-wife, his cousins, etc. etc. They will probably be equally as nice. But you will find yourself having to bring back vitamins and coffee makers and perfume for the entire pueblo on every trip back.

Don’t feel obligated, but also don’t be an asshole. More importantly, you are not responsible for supporting anyone. Do what you can, but ultimately, keep your needs a priority because they may not understand how hard you had to work to be able to bring those things. They may think money grows on trees in whatever country you’re from.

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In Conclusion

You should treat dating in Cuba like dating in your home country. There is always the possibility of someone being a shitty person. But for me, Cuba is unique in that they haven’t been tainted by the world of social media and Cuba always has a way of making you appreciate all of the things you have.

My Cuban papi is a constant reminder of what is truly important in life. The enormous effort he puts in to make this relationship work is inspiring and unlike what any other man has ever done or has had to do for me. Also, his naivete, though frustrating at times, is for the most part adorable. He has yet to be exposed to how shitty the world is and is so aware about taking care of the people around him and his community, something I feel is seriously lacking in the Western world. I also love that I get to watch him experience many “firsts” in life.

However, this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. So before going all in, weigh your financial situation, your insecurities, and your willingness to go with the flow and be with someone who won’t be able to conceptualize concepts that don’t exist in Cuba. It may not be worth it for you. Everyone is different and there are a million other options in the world to settle on something that doesn’t work for your personality.

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If you have any suggestions for additional apps or services that you can use to communicate with your Cuban amor or have a Cuban amor love story, leave them in the comments below!

 

75 Comments

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  1. Loved this article, it was honest and funny. My experience was more casual. I prefer the hit it and quick it approach. All the fun with none the commitment. #dontbelikeme

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m dying😂 So glad I started following your blog. I love your insight and your outfits are super cute…..enjoy that Papi!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow you guys are an exceptionally gorgeous couple! And as always, a succinct, no holds barred post about the reality of your relationship. I look forward to the posts you write 😀 Not that I don’t enjoy the guest posts but I find myself missing your sassiness every now & then. (Obsessed much?)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This was such a great article! I mean the possibility of me dating a Cuban (from Cuba) is slim to never but your story had me cracking up! “…don’t be like me because I ain’t shit!” I died!! Thanks! Definitely subscribing !

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Wonderfully written!! Beautiful story between the lines. Gorgeous couple!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Eres una verda abusadora! A real bloodhound exploiting him for every last cent! You are just lucky you’re cute 😒

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I also found mi otro mitad en Cuba and everything you say is so true. Congrats to you and let me know if you want to go in on a cheap ass house in Vedado o Habana Vieja.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As usual you are hilarious. Seeing as I am married to a Latino (Puerto Rican) I can verify a lot of these are true. Lol You both are super cute! Also if he didn’t ride his bike etc it ain’t real. Hahha favorite line.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reminds me of my bf. He is Nigerian but he resides in Singapore. there are a lot of similarities.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This article is so on point. So great.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I just went to Cuba and tried to have a hit it and quit it. Epic fail, got lost in the sauce. Now I’m here wondering how this is going to work. Help!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. definitely got lost in the sauce going on 2 years now. It has forced me to evaluate my relationship in the states and tell my longterm partner here about it and now i have 2 lives. I am in Baracoa every 3 months and like you constantly on imo and email. I had to laugh because carrying shit like vitamins, tee shirts, etc is a hoot but man are they appreciative. I have never met a kinder, more down to earth than my cuban papai. He really knows how to take care of me and yes I have met the entire families all the way to the cousins, etc. I am now the proud owner of 2 goats in Cuba that he so graciously gave to me as a present. love this blog

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Girl, I read this before going to Cuba and I was dying laughing and just in awe. Now, after coming back and falling in love w my senora’s son, lol, it all makes so much sense!!! We communicate via email, IMO and Cuba Messenger and now I understand why he emails me when his calls drop. I’ve never done anything like this, but I’m both hopeful and scared AF!!! AHHH!! Lol. Again, this is such a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Omg I’m so glad I found your blog! I met my Cuban papi in Santiago a few months ago and I totally relate to everything you’re saying! And yes girl he proposed and I was like “ok what am I doing…” But anyway, I really need to talk to someone about this whole situation because, as you can imagine, my American friends ain’t the ones for this kinda convo. Do
    You have a Lover’s Corner email or something?? Lbs

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Girl, you are on POINT! I love how you maintained your standards despite you and your Cuban papi having different economical situations because if they want you, they will work for you. So power to you for that! You had me weak (LOL) when you spoke about how dramatic Cuban men can be. When my (ex) Cuban papa (that’s what I called him) told me that he “loves” me, I went on a spree asking everybody’s daddy what that meant, because I knew he didn’t literally mean it. And you did not lie when you mentioned how expensive it is to communicate with Cubans in Cuba. I paid $3.00 a minute for direct calls to Cuba when imo and WhatsApp and calling cards weren’t cooperating. One thing I would add, is chivalry is REAL in Cuba!!!! Those men would do any and everything to make sure their women and families are GOOD. You have my best wishes on beautiful future with your Cuban papi.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Can we just create a support group of ladies who are in love with a Cubano ?!

    Like

  17. Dating and engaged to a Cuban! This made it more clear on all those culturally different views and traditions men and women usually go by. It was nice to see I am not alone on feeling this way. I just have to respect his traditions and him to mine. It’s a lot of communication and dedication for see lol 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This article is great!! It made me laugh because everything you say here is so true. The struggles with frozen video calls on IMO, having to hang up and call back hoping the signal is better. Never knowing when they might connect so having your phone constantly with you or having it on ring when at home in case you are not near it. We have recently tried a new thing, the “timbres” giving a ring. This is a thing in Cuba, you give a ring letting your family member or friend know you made it home ok, or got to work/school ok, or they got your message, etc. Now we use it to see when I’m avaikable. If I get a ring during times that he normally connects and if I ring him back ASAP it means I’m free to go ahead and connect. Definitely glad to have come across this article. I’m glad I’m not the only one, because at times it does feel like youre the only one in this and have no one to talk about it with because of course your friends in the states don’t understand.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Guilty as charged. I fell in love after a one night stand (2 nights actually 😏) and now trying to plan my next trip just to see my Cubano. The only problem is that nobody in my family or friends know because if they did, they would literally think I’m crazy. It’s been over a month since we’ve met and talk almost every other day. And yes, he told me he loved me and proposed all in the same week…

    Like

  20. Okay please tell me you have an Instagram to follow because I need you in my life!!!! You are hilarious and we are totally living the same life right now. I was loling reading this and also feel a huge sense of comfort and relief. This was exactly what I needed to read. Thank you for sharing this!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Hi! I love your story. I learned a
    lot. My experienced maybe will freak you out ladies.Everybody saying I am crazy.
    I met my boyfriend last Aug 6, 2017. It’s my first time to Cuba (Varadero). We met at Havana Club..I booked him in the hotel where im staying for 2 days then I left. After 3 weeks I came and stayed with him for 7 days all inclusive and booked him again to be with me.i celebrated my nday witj him and he has lot of surprises like serenading , I visit him every month. Now I’m coming back again on Nov 24 .I’m staying for 14 days this time. By the way he already introduce me to his parents and all relatives. They are so nice to me. My boyfriend even proposed yesterday. Now I need an advice from you ladies..
    Is it too early ???? Am I crazy? I am scared.

    Like

  22. I appreciate this article so much. It’s exactly how I feel about my Cuban Papi. I love the whole “mami Papi” thing. Sex is better in Spanish!! I needed a little reassurance that I haven’t completely lost my mind. Good luck to you and your lover!

    Like

    • Thanks Melissa… I really love him so much and he said he love me too but there is still a second thought at the back of my head. Even 3 times a day he is calling me thru whatsapp. And he keep saying that he is diff with other cubans. Hay it’s really hard eh. It’s a big gamble..

      Like

  23. Thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog! I’m looking for exactly the kind of man you describe. After watching The Profit-Cuba and Netflix Cuba and the Cameraman I’ve become a little obsessed. How does a successful single mother of 4 find a true Cuban guy?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. My situation is a little different but not much . I met my papi because he became my neighbor in Florida and we are now dating but he speaks little English and I speak little Spanish so its frustrating but he’s only been here a year and still has all the Cuban cultures stuck in his head . I took him to las vegas this week and loved seeing him experience all the new things

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Speaking from the other side of the table (being a Cuban, living in Cuba and with a fair knowledge of my culture and with a couple of experiences on my side) I would go with: this is a very good and fairly accurate depiction of the common result of international affaires…

    A couple of things:

    1) “The no speaking English” it is not quite so. You just had bad luck. Maybe exploring the “out-of-the-whole-Central-Havana-culture” universe would pay in this department although a) May I say you don’t seem to speak SP b) It is right to say most Cubans do not speak English.

    2) Agreed 100% with the “proposal” thing. We actually do so to each others and it is a cross gender thing. If he or she does not proposes WALK AWAY. Not into you at all.

    3) Disagree on the Casas Particulares sex thing. You have been renting rooms, what you wanna rent is an appartment, owners don’t really care what you do when you rent an entire appartment. Also, you don’t need to inform ahead, the person you’re bringing just have to handle documents on the spot to be put on “the list”. In fact you can add to your analysis a warning against anyone not willing to provide documents to Casa owners: nothing happens because of that (unless you’re actually a prostitute and you show up in a LOT of lists) and someone not willing to show ID might be planning to rob you or something.

    4) Condoms, condoms, condoms. HIV is rare and so are big STDs but some smaller yet very unnoying visitors can be there. Don’t spread the notion that no protection is fine.

    5) We’re plain horny. Cheating comes with the territory. I like the way you depicted it however, like, we’re not special. I appreciatte your insight into this.

    6) The comunication thing is somewhat an exteriotype. The “Central-Havana-culture” guy “luchando” (I want you to interpreter this in a very respectful way) does not have an email account nor access to the internet. I have full time access to the internet at work and comunication with my American significant other, if there is any, is quite smooth. There are challenges however, is very chllenging, but not all of us have the same problems your boyfriend has.

    7) Same with the money thing. BTW try an app called Cuba Messenger it runs on Nauta email system.

    8) Try taking your bf to a third country. It is somewhat easier.

    9) The 7th is unfair, not all of us are the same, but we had it coming. I actually hate that, a lot, about the whoe “central-havana-culture”. I pay for my shit. I actually like your interpretation of it rather than thinking he’s taking advantage of you. That’s quite thoughtful. I actually like you bf because of all the saving money thing.

    10) We might be macho, but if you dump your bf, you’ll find just how big a crying baby we are and you’ll experience how ridiculous we can become.

    11) Yes, you date our families, but don’t get caught in the whirlwind. You got that right.

    Apps: You need to have Maps.me, AlaMesa, Zapya, you need a Digicel SIM Card to have (and to secure for your significant other) a 3G conection in Cuba, you can find Cubans in Twoo and Badoo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aleph,

      Gracias por el comentario.

      Que no hablo Español? Al contrario. Si usted prefiere, podemos hablar en su idioma. Así quizás nos entendemos mejor como no entiendo mucho su ingles.

      Primeramente, nunca dije “no speaking English”? No se a que usted se refiere con eso. Tampoco, no se porque usted se refiere tanto a los Habaneros, mi novio no es de la Habana.
      Segundamente, no importa si es un apartamento o una habitación privada. Yo no pago, él es el que quiere eso y lo paga con su dinero. Los dueños de la casa requieren saber si hay un ciudadano Cubano quedándose en su casa particular. En mi experiencia.

      Terceramente, NUNCA DIJE que no usen protección. De hecho, dije que los condones son casi gratis PERO si no los usas (porque eso es común) el sistema de salud es gratis. A todos sus otros puntos, en el principio de este articulo, dije “this is general af” significa que cada situación es diferente, solo estoy respondiendo las preguntas mas comunes que me envían de la yuma.

      Me alegro que usted ha disfrutado de este artículo y gracias por su respuesta como un ciudadano Cubano. Es muy importante escuchar su perspectiva. Suerte con sus relaciones!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Cuba messenger, a texting app. Works through email, so he can use it from home. Can also send pics and videos with it. We live by this!

    Like

  27. Yassss headed to Cuba in a few days. I’m already scared to get lost in the Cuban Sauce. I’m not ready

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I’ve been married to a Cubano for 15 years …. your description is legit!!! Great read, thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  29. OMG, this is a perfect article. Everything you said is 100% accurate, me muero. I cannot wait to read the rest of your articles. The possibility of depth and honesty in relationships with Cubans are profound.

    My Cuban Papi is great and the avoiding video calls is too real. Like OMG, gimme a second.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. OMG, this is a perfect article. Everything you said is 100% accurate, me muero. I cannot wait to read the rest of your articles. The possibility of depth and honesty in relationships with Cubans are profound.

    My Cuban Papi is great and the avoiding video calls is too real. Like OMG, gimme a second.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I’m a esposa of a Cuban. This was funny and real! Cuba is a complex country and each province seem to have different rules and it all depends on who you talk to. He’s now a permanent resident of Canada 🇨🇦 with 2 step children here and two boys of his own . They are fast to prove their love ❤️ my husband (even before we were married) tattooed my name on his ribs. F”ing loco cubano !
    Lots of firsts and lots of laughs but lots of moments of him being homesick and myself not being able to fill the void. Life is life full of ups and downs.

    Like

  32. Love love love!!! Everything you said is wholeheartedly true! I married my papi last February ❤❤

    Like

  33. Patricia Goncalves December 10, 2017 — 1:04 am

    i love it!! awesome read… i was crazy about leaving a comment.. has papi made it to paradise??.. have you done sponsership??

    Like

  34. @ Aliannah and butwhyacuban
    Maybe their all brothers ha ha since their names are all almost identical !

    Like

  35. This article is so true and hits on every point of my relationship now with my Cuban guy I met in February. I actually am at a crossroads now that Trump just issued this crazy regulation and my airline is offering no-fee cancellations and changes. I booked a flight for December and want to spend New Years with him and his family … and I also adore Cuba! My Spanish has gotten a million times better because of my need to communicate and understand clearly. The story I have has a slight twist because he is a singer and I am a marketing consultant so I used my skills to get his music heard and its now gaining traction on social media and streaming services (itunes, spotify) hmmm I wonder if that qualifies as “support for Cuban people?” Thank you for sharing your story … I feel like I’ve gotten myself in too deep and that thing about professing his love early and introducing me to every single friend and all the family as his girlfriend and future wife is entirely true. OMG … so different from the general pool of domestic fuck-boys with “situationship” secrets and overwhelming at the same time because you’re wondering if it’s genuine. Keep your head up girl! I feel like we have this life to live to feel happy, be inspired, have adventures and help others … I guess this love thang is just an extension of that purpose. I think I want to write a book in the future lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oooooo girl!! And actually you can still go. Just staying in a casa particular counts as Support Of The Cuban People. And def what you’re doing qualifies. Check the state department website. There’s specific instructions! Your relationship sounds amazing! Don’t give up!

      Like

    • Go. Actually that can count towards support of the Cuban people. You are helping him break free from financial dependency on the government. LOL Put a spin on it. Anyways I will be there with mi cubano Don’t let 45 keep you from your potential soulmate. Lol Enjoy

      Like

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