How Not To Look Like A Basic Bitch While Traveling

We know traveling is an exhausting process and that comfort usually triumphs fashion when it comes to choosing what you pack. But you can have both! Remember that you not only represent your country (as you may be one of the only Americans people come across, depending on the country), but you’re also representing your dignity and self-respect on how you want people to approach you and treat you.  Don’t embarrass us by being easily recognizable as American.  Currently, the following rules are fashion faux-paus yet “ugly tourists” violate them all the time, and are thereby defined by these hideous pieces of clothing when traveling.

Dislaimer: Chances are that if you’re visiting this website, you aren’t a basic bitch, but we all have basic tendencies.  Below are the 10 items that make you look like basic af. Just try to do better, fam. And if none of these apply to you, haaaaaayyy, werk!

 

  1. Chacos

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Seriously, I don’t care how comfortable or useful these shoes are, you make me want to punch you in the face. If anything screams basic bitch while traveling, it’s these fucking shoes. It doesn’t matter what color. Just stop.

And don’t you dare replace them with Birkenstocks, Crocs, or Dr. Scholls/Naturalizers. Oh Lawd Jesus help us. Can’t you just slip on some Vans or Converse and call it a day?

 

  1. Head to toe Grandpa-Swag

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No lie, sometimes this look can be pulled off correctly. But for the most of you, acid wash jeans, aloha shirts, bucket hats, socks with sandals, white socks with white tennis shoes and a camera around your neck… These pieces individually might be ok, but not all together.

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    1. Frat Gear

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Anything with your frat or your university or any neon letters or anything matching. Like what were you thinking. Of all the things you wanted to greet this beautiful landscape with, it’s that? Kill yourself.

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  1. Fanny packs

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I’m not sure why I have to say this, but no.

  1. Homeless swag

It’s so bad, I don’t even have an example of it, but go anywhere in Southeast Asia and you’ll find what I’m talking about.

Ladies, if your dress makes you look like a potato sack, is completely shapeless, and you could be mistaken for a hippie-druggie-homeless person, LEAVE THAT SHIT AT HOME. C’mon now. And men, those fucking hemp bracelets around your ankles and wrists, with the unwashed sun bleached hair and the same over-sized shirt you’ve been wearing for days. I know back-packing is rough but damn, that’s the outfit you chose to wear everyday? Get your life.

  1. Nike Running Shorts

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I’m not sure why anyone buys these shorts in the first place since they make your ass look flat. But anyway, they’re basic while traveling, so keep that shit in the gym. At least replace it with an inconspicuous Lululemon short if you’re going waterfall repelling or zip-lining or something. Sporty wear is definitely necessary, but don’t be so fucking obvious.

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  1. Big straw sun hats

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Girl, those only look good in theory on pre-arranged pictures on the blog. In practice, they’re a shitty mess and you look stupid.

  1. Full bottom bathing suits.

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Child, child, child. America is the only country on earth where people wear full coverage bottoms. (Maybe some places in the Middle East). But anywhere else, hell no. Men, hike those shorts up, let me see dem thiiiiighs. Do not bring board shorts that touch your knees. Women, seriously, those full coverage bottoms make you look like you have grandma saggy butt. Stop being so conservative, show off those God-given curves, purchase a Brazilian bikini. Have you been to Spain? I felt out of place even wearing a bikini top, let alone any bottoms whatsoever. So less is more. This is good practice to be comfortable in your body. We all came into this world naked. And you FOINE, c’mon now. YOLO.

  1. Rolling suitcases

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ROOKIE!!!!! See blog post on “How and What to Pack” (link to come later). But seriously, we can spot your basic-ness from a mile away if you have a rolling suitcase, or even a checked bag. Fucking amateur. And you’re taking up all the space in the overhead compartment, you selfish ass.

Almost as bad are brand-name luggages. Your all Louis or Gucci duffel is basic as fuck. Could you only afford the accessories? Way NOT to blend in and show how fucking pretentious you are.

And if you have a rolling suitcase WITH brand names on them.

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I.

Can’t.

Even.

 

  1. Really, you can wear whatever the fuck you want. We will only judge you in silence. But I’M JUST SAYING.

9 Comments

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  1. I tried searching for How and What to Pack blog, but came up dry…help?

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  2. Yes, I am looking forward to the “What to Pack” part to this! Lovvve this article! Thank you!

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  3. The bathing suit comment is certainly wrong. Most of the world doesn’t wear skimpy bathing suits. Miami, Cancun, Ibiza, Bali… yes of course. But In China and much of east Asia women often wear full length pants and long sleeve shirts on the beach. One company in China even markets a Mexican wrestling mask type thing for women’s faces. In El Salvador away from the tourist beaches many locals simply wear tshirts and regular shorts. Partly because buying a specific swimsuit is expensive and because of the sun. In India I don’t think I’ve ever seen a local in a swimsuit. Most of them seem to swim in their regular clothing, including jeans. I’ve also seen Indians in Trinidad wearing jeans and blouses swimming at Maracas. In fact in India a bikini will get you a lot of stares at best and unfortunately worse sometimes. Ditto if you are away from major resorts in Indonesia on an island like Sumatra or Sulawesi local women almost exclusively wear jeans and long sleeve shirts while swimming, and if they are muslim often their full headress. Basically I would say in much of the world outside of major tourist hotels and resorts skimpy beach clothing is not acceptable.

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    • Well, we can agree to disagree. But in my experience, I feel more comfortable with less and found more places that I’ve traveled are completely welcoming to any sort of dress. So it’s not completely wrong. Anyway, you do you. This blog is mostly satire.

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      • I enjoyed the blog. It made me laugh. If I didn’t I would have moved on with my life and never bothered to respond. As for doing me, I’m old and overweight so I’m going to do everyone a favor and not show off my curves. Just found the comment about America being the only country on earth to be inaccurate.

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      • LOL you can be old and overweight and still show off your curves. But thank you for your comment. Would have really enjoyed the compliment as well as your rebuttal. Your examples included conservative aspects of certain countries, yes, but there are many places in the world that don’t embrace conservatism, such as Europe, Central America, South America, Australia, and parts of Asia and Africa. Even the countries you’ve described such as El Salvador and Trinidad, regularly have women in cheeky bikinis on the beach. So of course, women and men are allowed to wear what they want and sometimes religion dictates otherwise, but a country such as America that describes itself as land of the free, is pretty conservative on the embrace your body trend that I feel is a bit outdated. That talking point was to encourage women to not be afraid to embrace themselves.

        But as to that statement being inaccurate: me saying “America is the only country on earth” is a complete exaggeration and is colloquial in speech and is not backed up with any hard facts, nor was it meant to be. It was just used for emphasis. Usually where there are links embedded is where I will back up factual statements with a resource.

        Thank you very much for taking the time to leave both of your comments.

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  4. Loved reading this post! 😂 Realized we are probabaly 20% basic.

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